“Notatall,”hesnapped,offended.“Ineverhadathoughtformyself.Igavehereverything,eachlivingmoment.Bodyandsoul,Iwasallhers.”Bewildermenttookover,ashepondered:“Howcananywomanwalkawayfromsuchdevotion?”
Ididn’thavethehearttotellhim.PerhapsonedayIwill.
Ofallemotions,themostdangerousarethosewedon’tknowwehave.Theyarethecauseofrash,impulsiveacts;theydriveustobeerratic,distortoursenseofjudgement.
It’snaturalenoughtowanttoclosethedooronfeelingsthatarepainfulorunworthy.Butsuppressionhasanawfullottoanswerforintermsofdevastation.
Doesthatmeantheotherextremeismorehealthy?Emotionseruptingatshortnotice,makingusscreamandshout,laughorcry,withlittleornorestraint?
Onethingiscertain:themoreeasilyafeelingmanifestsitself,themoresuperficialitis.Usingmoodstoletoffsteam,indulgeourselves,oreventomanipulateothers,isameanstoanendnotaltogetherhonourable.
Emotionalresponsesneednotaffectourconduct.Likespoiltchildren,theycraveattention,butoncewerecognizethem,theysettledown,leavingusfreetoacceptthemasbeingthere,somewhereinthebackground,thoughnomoreimportanttoourlifethanthetwingeyouregisterwhenaneedlepricksyourfinger.
Thepurest,mostsacredfeelingsarethoseweencounterdeepinsideourselvesinmomentsofsolitudeandpeace.Suchfeelingscravenotribute,answertononeeds.Theyare,inthemselves,whatweconsistof.
Forgivinganenemyisasweetpleasure.Afterall,itisentirelyinyourowninteresttorisehighaboveyouradversaryinintegrityanddignity.Nothingcrushesapersonofillwillliketheopponent’smagnanimity.
It’sdifferentwhenalovedoneinflictsawound,letsyoudown,tramplesalloveryourheart.Howcouldyouforgivethem?Thatwouldlessentheimpactofthedamagedone,playdownthetransgression;almost,youmightsay,condoneit–
whenwhatyoureallywantistocompoundtheirguilt,drawattentiontothecrimeforwhichnoremorseissufficient.Punishthemforyourpain,evenattheexpenseofdestroyingyourownself.
Bitternessisadisease;theonlycureforgiveness.Butnoteveryoneiscapableofsummoningtheinnerstrengthrequiredforsuchafeat.
Therefore,itisadvisabletoforestallsituationsthatcallfortheseheroicdeeds,byacknowledginghurtopenlyandhonestly,atanearlystage:beforethewoundbeginstofester.
Anothersafetydeviceisforyourownparttoensurethatnothingyousayordocouldbecomeahotbedforsuchdangerousdeepresentment.
Itistheneedforforgiveness,asmuchasthelackofit,thatkillsrelationships.